It may be one of the most harmful things, the experience of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse leaves no physical scars (although many victims do also experience physical abuse), but the pain can be felt just as sharply as being physically struck. The sad truth is, the damage of emotional abuse runs far deeper than that it leaks out into other areas of life relationships, careers, and most heartbreakingly of all, to our children. This is why it is so critical for parents who have experienced emotional abuse to find, name and address their wounds to stop the cycle and keep their children (no matter how unscathed they appear) from inheriting those same emotional battle scars.
We are going to take a look at what it means for emotional abuse, the signs and how you can protect your children’s emotional wellbeing through healing your own wounds. Group emotional work, such as this, can be a profound resource for parents ready to begin the journey of healing from emotional abuse and more importantly… stopping it right here.
Understanding Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse often shows itself through manipulation, belittlement, gaslighting or constant criticism but at its root is about trying to take control over another person’s sense of self-esteem. Feelings of fear, shame, guilt, and inadequacy frequently come from the abuser. Emotional abuse as opposed to physical, is internal so hard to know there are scars and even more difficult to fix them…
Moreover, emotional abuse is not exclusive to your partners; this can happen in every kind of relationship; a parent with the children, among friends and even at work. The real threat is the behaviors that can take shape, especially when emotional abuse occurs in a family setting.
The reason is that children who grow up in environments like this tend to develop serious problems they will carry with them into adulthood. They might suffer from low self-esteem, find it hard to make healthy relationships that can last or even develop mental health issues like anxiety, depression and PTSD.
These emotional scars are not your gift to your children. But unless you first learned to heal yourself, that would be almost impossible.
Recognizing Your Wounds
Healing begins with acknowledging you are doing from a place of hurting. Some emotionally abused victims become so desensitized that they convince themselves, despite what the state of their mental wellness is at the time, “it wasn’t that bad” or “I ‘m over it. However, the fact is that if it is not healed absolutely it will lateralize into unhealthy patterns in life — emotional abuse included.
Some of these signs you may still be carrying emotional damage include:
- Are You Being Emotionally Triggered: Are certain situations triggering you emotionally to the point where your response far exceeds whats necessary, especially in terms of conflicts or criticism, and do you even know what follows with it? When our emotions are triggered it can be a symptom of unhealed trauma.
- Low Self-Esteem: If you think you are not good enough, in doubt of what you know or always comparing yourself to others, this is a battle with internalized abuse.
- People-Pleasing Behavior: One way survivors cope with emotional abuse is by falling into people-pleasing behaviors, in an attempt to stop conflict surrounding them. That can often come at the expense of mowing over your own needs and boundaries.
- Complications with Trusting Others: Emotional abuse can permanently harm the ability to trust others, in turn creating difficulty in establishing resounding relationships.
- Trying to Control Everything: This is related to the above tendency and problem; trying to control everything around us, all coming from a need for certainty because again, we were raised in that unpredictability, chaos, emotional abuse.
The key is to to realize these patterns are happening within yourself in the first place. It is not of identifying what is to be blamed or who it to blame for provoking the feelings but how these experiences inform our behavior today.
The Impact on Your Children
Kids are smart like that. Even if you try to keep it all the away from them they will know. If you are still festering from emotional abuse, it might seep into your parenting and create unhealthy dynamics with your child.
A younger child may be forced to grow up quickly because the parent is trying to relive their own lost childhood by living through them. For instance, a child who was emotionally abused might become either too overcompensating-governed by control and overly protective or distant for fear of causing another abuse. Children raised in such an environment may suffer from confusion, anxiety and a lack of love which in turn can cause them to develop emotional problems as these children grow up.
Children are also very likely to do what their children are doing. If they see you having trouble with emotional regulation, self-esteem or relationship patterns chances are good that these behaviors will be adopted in some form. You will heal yourself from the chains of your past, and give your children opportunities to grow without some of the same emotional baggage.
Breaking the Cycle: The Path to Healing
Unraveling yourself from the mind games of someone who used to love you takes time, emotional abuse recovery is not linear. But it is possible, and the rewards for yourself and your kid/s are immeasurable. Ways to Get Started Healing
- Admit the Abuse: Admitting to yourself that emotional abuse is happening at home. Not to lay blame but, you were wronged and it shaped you this way.
- Therapy: Seeing someone trained as a therapist can help you work through your feelings and work on new coping skills; especially trauma-informed treatment. Healing from the psychological harm Inflicted by Emotional Abuse with or without one on one (Or) group therapy is vital.
- Attend Group Therapy: There is power in numbers, group counselling such as what All In The Family Counselling provides can offer a safe space to share experiences, get support and learn from those who have been there. As emotional abuse so frequently involves making the victim feel utterly alone, and disconnecting them from any support system, being part of a group can help.
- Be Gentle with Yourself: People who have survived emotional abuse often carry an abundance of guilt and shame. Forgiving yourself and practicing self-love, learning how to be kind to yourself.
- Set Healthy Boundaries: Boundaries help preserve you from more emotional abuse. Whether that be separating from negative people or establishing boundaries with exactly what behavior you will tolerate in your life.
- Focus on the Emotional Health of your Children: As you get better, show your kids how to be emotionally healthy. Show them how self-worth, emotional mollification, and the power of creating their own boundaries work. The more you are mentally healthy, the most likely your children will be more emotionally intelligent in their emotions and relationships.
Summary: Healing For You, Healing For Many
The scars of emotional abuse run deep, though they may be hidden from view. When you heal, it not only changes your life, but it puts an end to being able to pass those wounds down another generation. The process is not an easy one, but it is necessary–for you and for your children.
If you are ready to start the path to healing, then emotional group work such as that offered by All In The Family Counselling could be an environment of support. Saving your children tomorrow from what you do not take care of or heal today.
Heal yourself so that you can offer the gift of growing up in a healthier,emotionally sound environment to your children. The process can never start too soon– its time you take control of your children future!