Low self-esteem, loneliness, or a personality disorder might cause this need. Dating apps purposefully encourage attention-seeking. Avoid attention-seekers by recognizing red flags.
Everyone uses dating sites for attention. Looking for a match is basically seeking a person who will presumably pay attention to you. A date who doesn’t give you any attention is useless.
However, some people want to stand out at all costs. They use dating sites to fulfill a need for affirmation. They seek validation or compliments incessantly. Their profiles might be intentionally controversial because they want people to react.
You can recognize attention-seeking adults in that they have issues with boundaries, can be overly emotional or dramatic in public, and get upset if they are not the center of attention. They might pretend to be unable to get something done so other people can help and give them attention. They tend to overexaggerate or embellish facts to gain sympathy or praise from others.
But why?
Low self-esteem, loneliness, or a personality disorder
Positive attention helps people with low self-esteem feel better about themselves. This includes compliments on their pictures, presumed accomplishments, etc. There are substantial gender differences in terms of attention on dating sites: a survey by the Pew Research Center found that 57% of men felt they didn’t get enough messages compared to 24% of women.
Female dating app users were five times more likely to think they got too many messages (30% vs. 6%). Whether this statistic would apply to a pick me girl is another matter.
Finally, people who exhibit patterns of attention-seeking behavior and display emotion excessively could suffer from histrionic personality disorder, with those they interact with equally likely to suffer. Individuals with this condition could come across as charming, seductive, and flirtatious but also volatile, impulsive, and manipulative. They speak vaguely, are easily affected by others, and feel bad if they are not the center of attention.
Dating apps purposefully encourage attention-seeking
People are more likely to click on appealing, sometimes heavily edited photos, and website algorithms adjust accordingly, suggesting such profiles more frequently. Some people feel that the game-like features of dating sites contribute to addiction. In February 2024, six people filed a collective lawsuit against a few Match Group dating apps, accusing the defendant of creating “addictive, game-like” functions to lock users into a cycle of “pay-to-play.”
The defendant, Match Group, completely rejected the claims, calling the lawsuit “ridiculous.” Is it? The neurotransmitter dopamine is involved in a lot of addictive processes, possibly including addiction to the screen. About 50% of addiction comes down to one’s genes, but the other half results from environmental factors, such as access to addictive things. One might argue the human brain hasn’t changed much over the centuries, but with access, it’s a different story.
In an interview with Fortune magazine, Hinge CEO Justin McLeod denied that Hinge used an “attractiveness score.” Instead, the app creates a “taste profile” depending on the user’s likes and dislikes. Many people are inclined to swipe right on an attention-grabbing profile photo.
How to avoid attention-seekers
Be attentive to red flags, like a dating profile that says, “I just came out of a long-term relationship and want to see what’s out there” or “I’m not really sure what I’m looking for, wanna help?” You shouldn’t waste your time on attention-seeking players if you’re looking for a serious relationship.
What’s more, displaying such behavior doesn’t always mean the person wants a relationship. According to a 2023 survey of 1,400 Tinder users, 50% weren’t looking for dates. Around two-thirds admitted they were already in relationships, and some were even married.
Final thoughts
Dating apps and sites have made finding partners easier by expanding the pool of potential mates. About 24% of LBG community members and 20% of all users under 30 had met their long-term partners online as of 2023. However, there’s only so much apps can do about insincere users. Recognize and weed out attention-seekers – your romantic prospects may depend on it.
